Today we have a fabulous guest blogger, Carissa, who is sharing her and her husband Pat's love story. They spent the better part of 7 years in a long distance relationship and this month they are celebrating one year of marriage! Carissa recounts their story and shares a few tips about how to make those long distance days seem not so long.
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The first time we met was in 2001 on Pat's summer orientation before beginning at Le Moyne College. I was living and working in Syracuse for the summer, and my friends on orientation convinced me to work that one weekend. I happened to plop myself down on the arm of a couch with two guys. It was that night that I first made an impression on Pat, and I have to admit, I wasn't all that phased by the interaction!
Fast forward to January of 2004, when we were reintroduced by a mutual friend... by March Pat had made his first move. While I was in denial since I was a few weeks from graduation, everyone around us know there was something special between us. We were seen together at the cafe, at mass, and around campus holding hands. Looking back, I know that God had a plan that we would end up together - but back in 2001, we just weren't yet ready for each other.
Our long distance relationship started as soon as I graduated. We knew we both cared about each other, so we decided to "take things slow...one day at a time" and we would try to see each other as much as we could, always saying that we could last just a "couple more days" before we saw each other again.
We made sure to talk to each other every day, at least right before going to bed to say good night to each other, but it usually would also include a good morning call and a check in around lunch just to say hi. There was one weekend that we were not planning on seeing each other, but on a whim decided to drive two hours each and meet in the middle for lunch! Our relationship was really built over the phone and enjoying every second we had with each other on the weekends.
There was another weekend that we weren't due to see each other because Pat was going on a campus ministry retreat. There was a wonderful tradition at Le Moyne where past attendees would welcome the retreaters back to campus. Since I had attended that retreat while I was a student, I surprised Pat when he arrived! His reaction when he saw me is still one of my favorite moments of "us" when he ran into my arms.
(talk about long distance!) designed by Jillian at Bella Carta
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I think the biggest thing that God taught us was to really enjoy our time together and not take each other for granted. We really balance each other out and bring out the best in each other. We learned to put each other first, but understood that we each had family, friend, and school obligations as well. We supported each other through my masters program and his doctorate. There were times he had to focus on school first, there were times that I was tied up with work all weekend. Sometimes the only time we would get to see each other was to drive to visit our families... but we would make the effort to see each other.
Above all, we learned to trust. And truly, our entire love story is built on trust. Trusting that we would find each other when the time was right, (and even before that, trusting God that there was someone out there for each of us). We were constantly trusting Him that we would find our way to each other and finally to be together. We needed to do our own work, and take care of what we needed to, but trust that the distance was temporary and trust in His plan above all. We knew that in His time, when the time was right, the stars would align and plans would fall into place. It was a balance of trust and working hard. Long distance isn't hard work, but we each had to work hard at it.
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photo by Andrew Hodgdon
The biggest joy of our first year of marriage has been FINALLY being together forever! We also just celebrated 10 years of being "us". We have built friendships that are ours and not just his friends/her friends from work or school. We love exploring and are enjoying OUR new city. And of course, we laugh a lot!
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Our top 3 snippets of advice for others in long distance relationships
* Talk to each other...and listen to each other. Truly stay connected while being apart. It seems like a no brainer, but it was really important to build our relationship on trust, honesty, and being able to talk with each other. Share your feelings with each other.
* Do what you need to do during the week, so that you can spend the quality time together and focus on each other when you can.
* Know when you'll be together again and look forward to it. Whether it's 4 days or 4 months --- Just make sure you have a plan when you'll see each other again and know you can make it "just a couple more days". Keep yourself busy in between and before you know it, you'll be together again! Celebrate and keep moving forward!
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