10 Resolutions for your Marriage

Fierce Marriage recently wrote a GREAT article on the 10 resolutions that will truly benefit your marriage and make it stronger this year. I am super inspired to put these to action in my own marriage. I highly recommend reading the original article here.

MORE:

Bible reading. You'll each grow in the Lord.

Prayer. Apart and together.

Encouragement. Praise each others strengths.

Quality Time. Just listening and being present.

Godly Community. Build each other up.

LESS:

TV. Good conversations will result.

Social Media. Less time will be wasted.

Work. Find a balance.

Complaining. Be grateful for what God has given you.

Unhealthy Arguing. Be constructive and kind.

{Guest Post} Self Love - Laken Nix

We are so lucky to have the talented Laken Nix writing for us today! Thank you Laken! Read on for her story of self love. 

~*~

Truth be told, I’ve spent almost my entire life hating my body.  The desire to change it stretches so far back into my youth that I can’t even place exactly when it all started.  But I do remember being acutely aware of my size as early as 5th grade and going on my first “diet” soon after.  Since middle school, I’ve been obsessed with losing weight.  I’ve devoted myself to almost every weight loss program, I’ve given up entire food groups, I’ve read nearly every weight loss book, I’ve done all of the pills and the box cleanses.  I’ve turned weight loss into a mathematical equation, at one point only allowing myself to eat enough calories in a day to continue functioning.  I’ve obsessed over every tiny fluctuation on the scale, all the while feeling shame, disappointment and guilt that I just couldn’t get what I considered to be a small body.  

Nothing ever worked.  Or rather, nothing ever lasted.  I lost weight -- sometimes a little, sometimes a lot -- but it never stayed gone.  Without fail, the pounds came back and the compliments went away.  I’ve cried countless tears.  I’ve shaken my fist at God and endlessly questioned his motives.  Why give me these hips and this tummy?  Why not give me the discipline and self-control I need to get rid of these hips and this tummy?  Why make it so hard for me to be happy?  

While I never broke the cycle entirely, I started to feel some peace with my body when I started dating my boyfriend (now husband), Tyler.  It was the first time I felt truly and unconditionally loved no matter my size and I started to see myself through his eyes.  Embarrassed by my struggle with weight, I hid it from him, and discouraged with restricting myself, I stopped.  But throughout our dating relationship, I went from the smallest I had ever been to the largest.  In a stable and loving relationship, I was growing to hate myself and my body more than I ever had before.  

The desire to lose weight escalated when Tyler and I got engaged in August 2011.  The countdown to my wedding also became a countdown to when I needed to have the “perfect body.”  As I planned the details of our big day, I planned the details of how I was going to shed the pounds.  I dove full-force back into the calorie-restricting, binge-eating, self-destructive habits of my past because I couldn’t fathom walking down the aisle in this same ol’ body.  I was determined to feel comfortable in my skin, to look beautiful in my dress and to make my husband-to-be happy with his decision to marry me.  I was placing every ounce of my self-worth into what my body looked like on the outside and how many numbers showed up on the scale.  But no matter what I tried throughout our 14-month engagement, my weight more or less stayed the same and I got married in a body I felt ashamed of.

For a while, I couldn’t even stand to look at our wedding photos because all I could see was an uncomfortable girl in an unflattering dress.  But in the nearly two years since our wedding, I’ve had a little time to step back and reflect on where exactly my plan veered off course.  And you know, I haven’t been thinking about what I could’ve eaten differently or all of the times I could’ve exercised longer.  Rather, I think about why my weight and body image have such a strong pull on my heart that they can hang a cloud over my wedding day -- the beautiful day when I committed my entire life to the most amazing, dreamboat of a man.  Why have I convinced myself for years that I could make real and lasting changes in response to negativity and hatred?  Why have I created such a hostile environment and allowed my inner mean girl to become the dominant voice inside my head?  Looking back now, it feels silly to think I was trying so hard to create happiness and contentment out of such a black hole of negativity.      

Body image is something I think I will always struggle with to a degree and I definitely don’t know the end-all, be-all solution.  But I do know the starting place.  It’s silencing my inner mean girl and cultivating real self-love.  It’s believing that my body deserves love instead of hate, empowerment instead of criticism.  It’s creating an environment where I can thrive.  It’s showing my body love in real, tangible ways instead of just thinking it or saying it.  It’s appreciating my body instead of degrading it and it’s giving myself grace every minute of every day.  Most importantly, it’s about valuing this one body that God has entrusted me with and knowing that I’m meant to live life in this skin.    

Maybe this all sounds kind of woo-woo.  Maybe it’s a little too lovey-dovey and not practical enough.  I know I would have felt that way if I would have read these words a few years ago, when I was so desperately seeking a quick fix.  But once I started taking all of that heavy pressure off of myself and started focusing on loving my body as it was, I started losing weight.  I consistently lost weight without changing anything else I was doing (until I got pregnant and switched into “healthy weight gain” mode -- which is an entirely different story.)  Now I try every single day to practice the habit of self love and appreciation.  Some days are harder than others but learning to listen to what my body really wants is leaps and bounds better than counting calories, so I think I’ll stick with it.

Photos: Heather Hester

~*~

Laken is a writer and mentor living in the deep south of Tuscaloosa, Alabama.  She is passionate about making wellness a real and attainable thing in the lives of women -- in a non-preachy, totally-manageable, real-life kind of way.  Laken shares about real food and creating a good life at home over on her blog, Peach and Humble.  She is happily married to husband, Tyler, and they are expecting the arrival of their first little (a girl!) in October.

Reflecting on Two Years of Marriage

JOIE MAGAZINE : ISSUE ONE

Well! Here it is, friends! The first issue of Joie Magazine. We're excited to finally share it with you! Our vision is that Christian women will use this magazine for inspiration not only for their weddings, but their marriages. We believe in true love! God-centered marriages! Honest communication! Date nights! Long coffee chats with your best friends! You get the point. :) 

There’s a little bit of everything in this inaugural issue. Our readers are all in different places in their lives, and we hope and pray there is at least one article in this magazine that speaks right to your heart. 

We've been working on this passion project for the last 7 months. A lot of research was done on how to start a magazine, but believe it or not, we still aren't professional magazine-makers! This issue isn’t perfect. In fact, the reason it took so long to launch is that we wanted it to be perfect, but finally realized that it will never be that way! There are definitely some things that could be better, prettier and more eloquent.

But there is good news: God knows the direction this magazine will go and the kind of impact it has the potential to make. We are all praying for all you women who will read it, that it would be encouraging to you each time you read it!

We want you to be part of this Joie adventure. If you have article ideas or know any women who may want to contribute, or if you have feedback that you would like to share, please email us at joieweddings@gmail.com! 

Now, go enjoie Issue One! And stayed tuned in the next few weeks for news about our second issue and other exciting things!

Here we go!
Joie Magazine : Issue One

Thrift Shopping Tidbits

My husband and I love to go thrift shopping. I find it thrilling to discover those unique pieces to add to my home décor. Although, thrifting sounds pretty simple, there are a few ways to make your trip even more successful. Here are some thrift shopping tidbits to start you on your own adventures.

#1 Location, Location, Location

More often that not, you are going to find the best pieces (be it household décor or clothing) in the “better parts of town.” Check out the thrift and consignment stores in the middle to upper class areas; often items brought here are in better condition and are less picked over.

#2 Go A Lot!

It may seem a little monotonous, but make sure to frequent the stores on a weekly basis. Stores are constantly receiving new inventory unfortunately it leaves just as fast as it comes.

#3 Learn Your Store’s Schedule

Employees can tell you what days of the week the accept donations and how long it usually takes them to get those items on the shelves. They can also tell you what days of the week are the sales.

#4 Use the Internet

It seems pretty obvious, but if you want to make sure you are getting a good deal, check online. Not very often, but sometimes items are found cheaper on sites like eBay.

#5 Don’t Forget to Check Out New Stores

My husband and I love checking out new stores on vacation or while visiting other areas of New England. Finding new stores with a high volume and variety gives you a thrifting thrill like no other. Make sure you don’t pass the chance up!

I hope these five simple tidbits can keep you on track next time you go to your local store! Don’t forget to have fun and happy thrifting!

~Taryn

May Scripture Challenge (#lampandlight)

It's never a bad thing to challenge yourself to read your Bible more, right? We all have those days where it just doesn't happen. But when a community of women from all around the country come together and pledge to read their Bibles together for 31 days, it might make it easier!

Starting on May 1st, we'll join Kristin Nicole and a whole group of women and read our Bibles everyday of May. After your devotional time, snap a picture, post on Instagram (tag it #lampandlight) and write a little bit about what God taught you that day. It'll be a challenge. But it will be so worth it, don't you think?

"The more I seek You, the more I find You." A Kari Jobe song that has always challenged my heart. The more we read God's word, the more He reveals to us. And the more we get to know Him. And THAT is definitely not a bad thing!

We hope you'll take part!

(photo by kristin nicole)

Carissa + Pat's Long Distance Love Story

Today we have a fabulous guest blogger, Carissa, who is sharing her and her husband Pat's love story. They spent the better part of 7 years in a long distance relationship and this month they are celebrating one year of marriage! Carissa recounts their story and shares a few tips about how to make those long distance days seem not so long. 

~*~

The first time we met was in 2001 on Pat's summer orientation before beginning at Le Moyne College. I was living and working in Syracuse for the summer, and my friends on orientation convinced me to work that one weekend. I happened to plop myself down on the arm of a couch with two guys. It was that night that I first made an impression on Pat, and I have to admit, I wasn't all that phased by the interaction!

Fast forward to January of 2004, when we were reintroduced by a mutual friend... by March Pat had made his first move. While I was in denial since I was a few weeks from graduation, everyone around us know there was something special between us. We were seen together at the cafe, at mass, and around campus holding hands. Looking back, I know that God had a plan that we would end up together - but back in 2001, we just weren't yet ready for each other. 

Our long distance relationship started as soon as I graduated. We knew we both cared about each other, so we decided to "take things slow...one day at a time" and we would try to see each other as much as we could, always saying that we could last just a "couple more days" before we saw each other again.  

We made sure to talk to each other every day, at least right before going to bed to say good night to each other, but it usually would also include a good morning call and a check in around lunch just to say hi. There was one weekend that we were not planning on seeing each other, but on a whim decided to drive two hours each and meet in the middle for lunch! Our relationship was really built over the phone and enjoying every second we had with each other on the weekends.  

There was another weekend that we weren't due to see each other because Pat was going on a campus ministry retreat. There was a wonderful tradition at Le Moyne where past attendees would welcome the retreaters back to campus. Since I had attended that retreat while I was a student, I surprised Pat when he arrived! His reaction when he saw me is still one of my favorite moments of "us" when he ran into my arms.  

(talk about long distance!) designed by Jillian at Bella Carta

~*~

I think the biggest thing that God taught us was to really enjoy our time together and not take each other for granted. We really balance each other out and bring out the best in each other. We learned to put each other first, but understood that we each had family, friend, and school obligations as well. We supported each other through my masters program and his doctorate.  There were times he had to focus on school first, there were times that I was tied up with work all weekend. Sometimes the only time we would get to see each other was to drive to visit our families... but we would make the effort to see each other.

Above all, we learned to trust. And truly, our entire love story is built on trust. Trusting that we would find each other when the time was right, (and even before that, trusting God that there was someone out there for each of us). We were constantly trusting Him that we would find our way to each other and finally to be together. We needed to do our own work, and take care of what we needed to, but trust that the distance was temporary and trust in His plan above all. We knew that in His time, when the time was right, the stars would align and plans would fall into place. It was a balance of trust and working hard. Long distance isn't hard work, but we each had to work hard at it.

~*~

photo by Andrew Hodgdon

The biggest joy of our first year of marriage has been FINALLY being together forever!  We also just celebrated 10 years of being "us". We have built friendships that are ours and not just his friends/her friends from work or school. We love exploring and are enjoying OUR new city. And of course, we laugh a lot!

~*~

Our top 3 snippets of advice for others in long distance relationships

* Talk to each other...and listen to each other. Truly stay connected while being apart. It seems like a no brainer, but it was really important to build our relationship on trust, honesty, and being able to talk with each other. Share your feelings with each other.    

* Do what you need to do during the week, so that you can spend the quality time together and focus on each other when you can.

* Know when you'll be together again and look forward to it. Whether it's 4 days or 4 months --- Just make sure you have a plan when you'll see each other again and know you can make it "just a couple more days". Keep yourself busy in between and before you know it, you'll be together again! Celebrate and keep moving forward!