{Guest Post} Self Love - Laken Nix

We are so lucky to have the talented Laken Nix writing for us today! Thank you Laken! Read on for her story of self love. 

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Truth be told, I’ve spent almost my entire life hating my body.  The desire to change it stretches so far back into my youth that I can’t even place exactly when it all started.  But I do remember being acutely aware of my size as early as 5th grade and going on my first “diet” soon after.  Since middle school, I’ve been obsessed with losing weight.  I’ve devoted myself to almost every weight loss program, I’ve given up entire food groups, I’ve read nearly every weight loss book, I’ve done all of the pills and the box cleanses.  I’ve turned weight loss into a mathematical equation, at one point only allowing myself to eat enough calories in a day to continue functioning.  I’ve obsessed over every tiny fluctuation on the scale, all the while feeling shame, disappointment and guilt that I just couldn’t get what I considered to be a small body.  

Nothing ever worked.  Or rather, nothing ever lasted.  I lost weight -- sometimes a little, sometimes a lot -- but it never stayed gone.  Without fail, the pounds came back and the compliments went away.  I’ve cried countless tears.  I’ve shaken my fist at God and endlessly questioned his motives.  Why give me these hips and this tummy?  Why not give me the discipline and self-control I need to get rid of these hips and this tummy?  Why make it so hard for me to be happy?  

While I never broke the cycle entirely, I started to feel some peace with my body when I started dating my boyfriend (now husband), Tyler.  It was the first time I felt truly and unconditionally loved no matter my size and I started to see myself through his eyes.  Embarrassed by my struggle with weight, I hid it from him, and discouraged with restricting myself, I stopped.  But throughout our dating relationship, I went from the smallest I had ever been to the largest.  In a stable and loving relationship, I was growing to hate myself and my body more than I ever had before.  

The desire to lose weight escalated when Tyler and I got engaged in August 2011.  The countdown to my wedding also became a countdown to when I needed to have the “perfect body.”  As I planned the details of our big day, I planned the details of how I was going to shed the pounds.  I dove full-force back into the calorie-restricting, binge-eating, self-destructive habits of my past because I couldn’t fathom walking down the aisle in this same ol’ body.  I was determined to feel comfortable in my skin, to look beautiful in my dress and to make my husband-to-be happy with his decision to marry me.  I was placing every ounce of my self-worth into what my body looked like on the outside and how many numbers showed up on the scale.  But no matter what I tried throughout our 14-month engagement, my weight more or less stayed the same and I got married in a body I felt ashamed of.

For a while, I couldn’t even stand to look at our wedding photos because all I could see was an uncomfortable girl in an unflattering dress.  But in the nearly two years since our wedding, I’ve had a little time to step back and reflect on where exactly my plan veered off course.  And you know, I haven’t been thinking about what I could’ve eaten differently or all of the times I could’ve exercised longer.  Rather, I think about why my weight and body image have such a strong pull on my heart that they can hang a cloud over my wedding day -- the beautiful day when I committed my entire life to the most amazing, dreamboat of a man.  Why have I convinced myself for years that I could make real and lasting changes in response to negativity and hatred?  Why have I created such a hostile environment and allowed my inner mean girl to become the dominant voice inside my head?  Looking back now, it feels silly to think I was trying so hard to create happiness and contentment out of such a black hole of negativity.      

Body image is something I think I will always struggle with to a degree and I definitely don’t know the end-all, be-all solution.  But I do know the starting place.  It’s silencing my inner mean girl and cultivating real self-love.  It’s believing that my body deserves love instead of hate, empowerment instead of criticism.  It’s creating an environment where I can thrive.  It’s showing my body love in real, tangible ways instead of just thinking it or saying it.  It’s appreciating my body instead of degrading it and it’s giving myself grace every minute of every day.  Most importantly, it’s about valuing this one body that God has entrusted me with and knowing that I’m meant to live life in this skin.    

Maybe this all sounds kind of woo-woo.  Maybe it’s a little too lovey-dovey and not practical enough.  I know I would have felt that way if I would have read these words a few years ago, when I was so desperately seeking a quick fix.  But once I started taking all of that heavy pressure off of myself and started focusing on loving my body as it was, I started losing weight.  I consistently lost weight without changing anything else I was doing (until I got pregnant and switched into “healthy weight gain” mode -- which is an entirely different story.)  Now I try every single day to practice the habit of self love and appreciation.  Some days are harder than others but learning to listen to what my body really wants is leaps and bounds better than counting calories, so I think I’ll stick with it.

Photos: Heather Hester

~*~

Laken is a writer and mentor living in the deep south of Tuscaloosa, Alabama.  She is passionate about making wellness a real and attainable thing in the lives of women -- in a non-preachy, totally-manageable, real-life kind of way.  Laken shares about real food and creating a good life at home over on her blog, Peach and Humble.  She is happily married to husband, Tyler, and they are expecting the arrival of their first little (a girl!) in October.

{Devotional} Daily Faith

Have you ever looked up the verse that goes with our logo? It's a special one; Zephaniah 3:17. I thought it would be good to go a little more in depth about this verse and how it affects our lives and our walk with our Savior.

Zephaniah 3:17 King James Version (KJV)

The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.

This verse speaks about when the Lord comes back and sets up his Kingdom. He will save those that have repented and turned to him, and show forth both his mighty strength and love. This is a great promise that the Lord has given us, but how do we know this promise is for us?

The Bible clearly states multiple times to examine our faith daily.

2 Corinthians 13:5 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves! Or do you not recognize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you-- unless indeed you fail the test?

There should be no question that Jesus Christ lives in us. We are to work out our faith with fear and trembling.

Philippians 2:12 King James Version (KJV)

Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.

Being a Christian doesn’t just mean that you said a prayer one day asking Jesus into your heart. It’s a daily action of offering your life to The King.

Galations 2:20 English Standard Version (ESV)

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

The Christian walk is a repentant heart and a relationship with The Savior.

So although Zephaniah 3:17 is an amazing promise from God, it is also a reminder to me that in order to gain from the promises of God, I should be working out my own faith daily with fear and trembling to see if I still be in the faith. 

~Taryn

Making Time to Study the Bible

If you've been reading Joie for a while, you know we like to write 'devotional' posts about what God has been teaching each of us lately. Sometimes it can be easier said than done to spend time with the Lord. Here are some ways to make sure your time with God is consistent each day.

Pick a Time: If you set your devotional time at the same general time each day (morning, afternoon, evening), you are more likely to remember to do it! I like mornings, because I know I'm starting my day off on the right path.

Pick a Place: Have your Bible, pen, journal, ect in a familiar place. When all your tools are in one spot, it's more convenient than running around looking for everything! My husband keeps his Bible on the dining room table so he remembers to do his devotions while he eats his breakfast. I have my Bible by my bed, because I like waking up and spending those first few moments of my day with God. Maybe you have a comfy chair or a screened in porch that you like to sit on. You can talk to God anywhere!

Pick a Scripture or a Plan: Some people like to read through a whole book of the Bible and some people like a devotional reading plan. The benefit of reading a whole book is that you get the whole story of what God intended. The benefit of going through a devotional plan is that you get a little guidance if you're not sure where to start. Either one is great and God will teach you through both!

A good method of study is the SOAP method.

S: Scripture. Read your passage of the day.
O: Observation. Write down what you think the Scripture means and ask God to help you discern it.
A: Application. Meditate on how you think it applies to your life. How does it change you?
P: Prayer. I find it helps if I write out my prayers. It helps my mind stay focused on God. It also lets me go back and read how God has worked in my life!

Stay Accountable: Tell your friends about what you've been learning and have them do the same. Encourage each other and pray for each other!

What have you been studying lately? What has God been teaching you? We'd love to hear about it! Leave us a comment! 

~Stephanie 

JOIE MAGAZINE : ISSUE ONE

Well! Here it is, friends! The first issue of Joie Magazine. We're excited to finally share it with you! Our vision is that Christian women will use this magazine for inspiration not only for their weddings, but their marriages. We believe in true love! God-centered marriages! Honest communication! Date nights! Long coffee chats with your best friends! You get the point. :) 

There’s a little bit of everything in this inaugural issue. Our readers are all in different places in their lives, and we hope and pray there is at least one article in this magazine that speaks right to your heart. 

We've been working on this passion project for the last 7 months. A lot of research was done on how to start a magazine, but believe it or not, we still aren't professional magazine-makers! This issue isn’t perfect. In fact, the reason it took so long to launch is that we wanted it to be perfect, but finally realized that it will never be that way! There are definitely some things that could be better, prettier and more eloquent.

But there is good news: God knows the direction this magazine will go and the kind of impact it has the potential to make. We are all praying for all you women who will read it, that it would be encouraging to you each time you read it!

We want you to be part of this Joie adventure. If you have article ideas or know any women who may want to contribute, or if you have feedback that you would like to share, please email us at joieweddings@gmail.com! 

Now, go enjoie Issue One! And stayed tuned in the next few weeks for news about our second issue and other exciting things!

Here we go!
Joie Magazine : Issue One

5 Days in Scripture // 30 Day Scripture Challenge Update

I've spent the last 5 mornings making a deliberate choice to spend time reading God's word. And it's been really refreshing. I've been reading mainly in Psalms, but today I wandered over to James 5. 

"Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Sing songs of praise." James 5:13

I think most of us pray when things aren't going the way we expected... and that's great, the Bible tells us to do that! But how often do we sing songs of praise when we're happy? Like actually sing out loud! To praise Jesus! I'm going to make a point of doing that more often!

If you're interested in joining the 30 Day Scripture Challenge, you should check out the hashtag #lampandlight on Instagram. Don't worry about starting 5 days late, just continue 5 days into June! And, well, forever. :) 

~ Stephanie 

P.S. Follow Joie Mag on Insta, too! 

May Scripture Challenge (#lampandlight)

It's never a bad thing to challenge yourself to read your Bible more, right? We all have those days where it just doesn't happen. But when a community of women from all around the country come together and pledge to read their Bibles together for 31 days, it might make it easier!

Starting on May 1st, we'll join Kristin Nicole and a whole group of women and read our Bibles everyday of May. After your devotional time, snap a picture, post on Instagram (tag it #lampandlight) and write a little bit about what God taught you that day. It'll be a challenge. But it will be so worth it, don't you think?

"The more I seek You, the more I find You." A Kari Jobe song that has always challenged my heart. The more we read God's word, the more He reveals to us. And the more we get to know Him. And THAT is definitely not a bad thing!

We hope you'll take part!

(photo by kristin nicole)

Your Vows. Your Promises.

Hi friends! Today we have a special guest post for you! Pastor Max Marcoux, lead pastor at Elevation Chapel in Newton, MA, is sharing his perspective on Wedding Vows. Having preformed many, many weddings, he has a few ideas and a great reminder. Read on! 

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Have any of you purchased a home? Well if not, get ready for mountains of paperwork! You will be asked to sign over 20 pages, vowing that you will pay for that house. Not too long ago (in the 1960’s) my grandfather bought a building on a vow and a handshake. He made a promise to pay so much a month until it was paid off. And he followed through. His word probably had more weight than any 20-page contract today. Back then, your word, your vow meant everything. 

To me the most beautiful part of a wedding is not the flowers, the pretty dresses, nice music or decorations. It’s the exchange of vows. I performed a wedding ceremony a few weeks ago and the bride wrote her own vows. They were so powerful and filled with love that everyone was emotional and the groom almost couldn’t hold it together. I think her vows were the most thoughtful and loving words anyone had ever spoken to him. 

Many couples choose traditional wedding vows, and those are beautiful too. “I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; until death do us part.” That still brings tears and deep emotion to couples as they recite them because they truly mean what they are saying.

More and more couples these days are choosing non-traditional vows. I have attended and officiated weddings where the couple chose song lyrics as vows. One couple chose an excerpt from “Oh, The Places You’ll Go” by Dr. Suess! There are so many resources for couples to find non-traditional vows that reflect their personality.

Engaged couples often ask me if it’s better to write their own vows or to use traditional ones. My advice is to them (and you) is this: Your wedding vows are not just an expression of how you feel about your fiancé. The words you choose should be a life-long promise from your heart to theirs; not only a statement of how much you love them now, but a commitment of how you will love them from this point on. 

Value whatever vows you will speak on your wedding day more than any of the other details of the wedding. The food will be eaten, the flowers will be tossed out, dresses packed away, but the vows will live in your hearts forever.

~*~

We hope this inspires you if you're stuck on what to say in your wedding vows! And remember, they don't have to be fancy or eloquent. 

Thanks for writing this awesome post, Max! 

Speak Love

Good morning Joie blog readers! We have a special guest blogging for us today! Pastor DD, from Elevation Chapel in Newton, MA, is going to give us a different perspective on a very important verse in the Bible and how she knows it will strengthen your marriage. Thanks so much for this wonderful post, DD! 

~*~

In my 15 years of ministry, and 7 years of pre-marital and marriage counseling I’ve pretty much seen and heard it all… My husband and I always make it a point to get to know each couple, both as individuals and as a unit. So, this being my first blog post EVER, I thought it would be fitting to open with the best~ what I consider to be the most valuable piece of advice for each and every couple, in any stage of your relationship.

In literally 90% of the weddings I’ve witnessed, this scripture is given as one of the ceremonial readings. Even when a couple isn’t “religious”, this has been the reading of choice for so many. I believe the reason is that this verse is so timeless and widely applicable (also why I’m choosing to focus on this!). I also believe this verse has the power to strengthen and even save relationships.

The verse is 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

Now, I’m sure half of you probably just skimmed that passage because you’ve heard it so many times! But hear me out… Let’s try something… Read this verse again, except this time, replace the words “love is” with the phrase, “Because I love __________, I will be _________.” Or, “I will not be _________.” as the case may be.

So now for me, the verse reads as follows: “Because I love Max (my husband), I will be patient and kind. Because I love Max, I will not be boastful or proud or rude. I will not demand my own way. Because I love him, I will not be irritable (that’s a tough one for me!), and I will keep no record of being wronged. Because I love Max, I will not rejoice in injustice (or be happy when he is wrong) but will rejoice whenever the truth wins out (I will rejoice when he is right.). Because I love Max, I will never give up on him, never lose faith in him, always be hopeful for him, and my love for him will endure through every circumstance.”

Words are powerful. The Bible says the power of life and death is in the tongue. I truly believe that, because I’ve seen it in so many and experienced it first-hand in my near 18 years of marriage. The words we speak directly affect the circumstances we are in. Regardless of whether you have been together for a week, a year, or twenty years, remind yourself of this verse. Even read it aloud, together… Because when you model your love after this, your relationship will reflect God’s pure and perfect love.

Love & Blessings,

Pastor DD

{Devotional} Delight

"But his delight is in the law of the Lord, 
and on his law he meditates day and night." {Psalm 1:2}

What brings you delight? A quick stop into your favorite bakery? Hiking with your loved ones in the spring? Cuddling up with a good book? It could be all of the above!

We read in Psalms that delight is knowing God's words by heart and immersing yourself daily in what He has to say. And when we constantly do this? We become like the trees planted by the river. They are the healthiest, producing the most fruit, and not withering.

"He is like a tree planted by streams of water, 
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither." {Psalm 1:3}

Let this be an encouragement to you today, to take a break from your crazy day and drink your water. Let God's word overflow in you!

~*~

If you're at work and don't have a Bible with you, download the Bible app (by YouVersion) for your phone! It's great to have the Bible with you all the time. :)

{love}stephanie