{Pre-Wedding Pep Talk}

I know many couples getting married this summer and fall. Hoards of wedding advice and marriage tips are probably being tossed your way right about now, between bridal showers and in-laws and church friends and wedding blogs. I am sure most of the advice is valid, but remember that each marriage, each couple, each LIFE is very, very different. So instead of being overwhelmed (or thinking "Wow, I need to apply every piece of advice to my life RIGHT NOW") thank each person for their thoughts and tuck it away for when you really need it. 

That being said, I wanted to share a Bible verse that is really important to me and my husband. Think of this as a little pep-talk. Ephesians 4:2 - "Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each others faults because of your love." It's hard to always live like that, but remember that the Word of God is true and it keeps us in check with where our hearts are. Marriage is a balance of giving. You give your love, your time, and encouragement. And it might seem like a lot, but if you are each giving each other equal amounts of everything, you'll both be getting just what you need! 

<3 Stephanie

{6 Reasons to do a First Look}

The First Look is a wonderful time when the bride + groom see each other before their ceremony. While I completely understand if people choose to travel the ‘traditional’ route, I am so in love with this idea. 

My husband and I did a First Look and it is still the {reason number one} most memorable moment of our wedding day for me. To have that special time, {reason number two} just the two of you, is something you’ll never forget!

The quiet few moments to say hi and pray together will provide {reason number three} peace of mind. It gives you both time to really take each other in and enjoy each other before the craziness of the day begins.

It also allows you {reason number four} get some of the photography “formalities” out of the way. Which ultimately means, {reason number five} more time to party later!

Oh yeah, and grooms? {reason number six} You’ll still cry when your bride walks down the aisle. Promise.

<3 Stephanie

image: stephanie rita photo

{Wedding Planning Tip} 3 BIG Things!

The most helpful tip I got when I was planning my wedding was to pick 3 things that mattered the most to us as a couple and splurge on those 3 things. So that's what we did. We made sure those important things were taken care of, while also knowing that we had to be thrifty in the other areas of our day.

What were our 3 BIG things? Photography, food, venue. In that order. Photography, because when the day is done, it's all we'd have left to remember. Food, because if you have bad food, your guests won't like you. And venue, because we wanted rustic and nature-y and that's exactly what we got! 

We had generous help from our parents, but that doesn't mean there wasn't a budget. We had minimal flowers, and provided all the vases ourselves. We used my iPod (with a very carefully curated playlist) and a friend DJed (which went much better than I expected). Our church loaned us the speakers and mic for the ceremony and reception. I picked up most of the details from thrift shops, and made all the centerpieces myself. My husband's tux was from JCPenny (not kidding) and my dress, although not inexpensive, was probably my favorite detail of the day, which made it worth it. 

Your BIG 3 will probably be different from ours, but maybe not. Talk to each other to figure out what each person is envisioning. You may have to compromise on the 3 BIG things, but what is marriage without compromise! :) 

~ Stephanie

{Guest Post} Self Love - Laken Nix

We are so lucky to have the talented Laken Nix writing for us today! Thank you Laken! Read on for her story of self love. 

~*~

Truth be told, I’ve spent almost my entire life hating my body.  The desire to change it stretches so far back into my youth that I can’t even place exactly when it all started.  But I do remember being acutely aware of my size as early as 5th grade and going on my first “diet” soon after.  Since middle school, I’ve been obsessed with losing weight.  I’ve devoted myself to almost every weight loss program, I’ve given up entire food groups, I’ve read nearly every weight loss book, I’ve done all of the pills and the box cleanses.  I’ve turned weight loss into a mathematical equation, at one point only allowing myself to eat enough calories in a day to continue functioning.  I’ve obsessed over every tiny fluctuation on the scale, all the while feeling shame, disappointment and guilt that I just couldn’t get what I considered to be a small body.  

Nothing ever worked.  Or rather, nothing ever lasted.  I lost weight -- sometimes a little, sometimes a lot -- but it never stayed gone.  Without fail, the pounds came back and the compliments went away.  I’ve cried countless tears.  I’ve shaken my fist at God and endlessly questioned his motives.  Why give me these hips and this tummy?  Why not give me the discipline and self-control I need to get rid of these hips and this tummy?  Why make it so hard for me to be happy?  

While I never broke the cycle entirely, I started to feel some peace with my body when I started dating my boyfriend (now husband), Tyler.  It was the first time I felt truly and unconditionally loved no matter my size and I started to see myself through his eyes.  Embarrassed by my struggle with weight, I hid it from him, and discouraged with restricting myself, I stopped.  But throughout our dating relationship, I went from the smallest I had ever been to the largest.  In a stable and loving relationship, I was growing to hate myself and my body more than I ever had before.  

The desire to lose weight escalated when Tyler and I got engaged in August 2011.  The countdown to my wedding also became a countdown to when I needed to have the “perfect body.”  As I planned the details of our big day, I planned the details of how I was going to shed the pounds.  I dove full-force back into the calorie-restricting, binge-eating, self-destructive habits of my past because I couldn’t fathom walking down the aisle in this same ol’ body.  I was determined to feel comfortable in my skin, to look beautiful in my dress and to make my husband-to-be happy with his decision to marry me.  I was placing every ounce of my self-worth into what my body looked like on the outside and how many numbers showed up on the scale.  But no matter what I tried throughout our 14-month engagement, my weight more or less stayed the same and I got married in a body I felt ashamed of.

For a while, I couldn’t even stand to look at our wedding photos because all I could see was an uncomfortable girl in an unflattering dress.  But in the nearly two years since our wedding, I’ve had a little time to step back and reflect on where exactly my plan veered off course.  And you know, I haven’t been thinking about what I could’ve eaten differently or all of the times I could’ve exercised longer.  Rather, I think about why my weight and body image have such a strong pull on my heart that they can hang a cloud over my wedding day -- the beautiful day when I committed my entire life to the most amazing, dreamboat of a man.  Why have I convinced myself for years that I could make real and lasting changes in response to negativity and hatred?  Why have I created such a hostile environment and allowed my inner mean girl to become the dominant voice inside my head?  Looking back now, it feels silly to think I was trying so hard to create happiness and contentment out of such a black hole of negativity.      

Body image is something I think I will always struggle with to a degree and I definitely don’t know the end-all, be-all solution.  But I do know the starting place.  It’s silencing my inner mean girl and cultivating real self-love.  It’s believing that my body deserves love instead of hate, empowerment instead of criticism.  It’s creating an environment where I can thrive.  It’s showing my body love in real, tangible ways instead of just thinking it or saying it.  It’s appreciating my body instead of degrading it and it’s giving myself grace every minute of every day.  Most importantly, it’s about valuing this one body that God has entrusted me with and knowing that I’m meant to live life in this skin.    

Maybe this all sounds kind of woo-woo.  Maybe it’s a little too lovey-dovey and not practical enough.  I know I would have felt that way if I would have read these words a few years ago, when I was so desperately seeking a quick fix.  But once I started taking all of that heavy pressure off of myself and started focusing on loving my body as it was, I started losing weight.  I consistently lost weight without changing anything else I was doing (until I got pregnant and switched into “healthy weight gain” mode -- which is an entirely different story.)  Now I try every single day to practice the habit of self love and appreciation.  Some days are harder than others but learning to listen to what my body really wants is leaps and bounds better than counting calories, so I think I’ll stick with it.

Photos: Heather Hester

~*~

Laken is a writer and mentor living in the deep south of Tuscaloosa, Alabama.  She is passionate about making wellness a real and attainable thing in the lives of women -- in a non-preachy, totally-manageable, real-life kind of way.  Laken shares about real food and creating a good life at home over on her blog, Peach and Humble.  She is happily married to husband, Tyler, and they are expecting the arrival of their first little (a girl!) in October.

JOIE MAGAZINE : ISSUE ONE

Well! Here it is, friends! The first issue of Joie Magazine. We're excited to finally share it with you! Our vision is that Christian women will use this magazine for inspiration not only for their weddings, but their marriages. We believe in true love! God-centered marriages! Honest communication! Date nights! Long coffee chats with your best friends! You get the point. :) 

There’s a little bit of everything in this inaugural issue. Our readers are all in different places in their lives, and we hope and pray there is at least one article in this magazine that speaks right to your heart. 

We've been working on this passion project for the last 7 months. A lot of research was done on how to start a magazine, but believe it or not, we still aren't professional magazine-makers! This issue isn’t perfect. In fact, the reason it took so long to launch is that we wanted it to be perfect, but finally realized that it will never be that way! There are definitely some things that could be better, prettier and more eloquent.

But there is good news: God knows the direction this magazine will go and the kind of impact it has the potential to make. We are all praying for all you women who will read it, that it would be encouraging to you each time you read it!

We want you to be part of this Joie adventure. If you have article ideas or know any women who may want to contribute, or if you have feedback that you would like to share, please email us at joieweddings@gmail.com! 

Now, go enjoie Issue One! And stayed tuned in the next few weeks for news about our second issue and other exciting things!

Here we go!
Joie Magazine : Issue One

{Alex + Brendan's Wedding Video}

March 8th, 2014
Irvine Estate, VA

~*~

Watch Alex + Brendan's GORGEOUS wedding video by Five Copper Creative!!


Alex + Brendan Wedding Highlight from Five Copper Creative on Vimeo.

~*~

The Story:

From Alex, the bride's, perspective:  

"From the first light of morning breaking into my room on our wedding day I felt the joy and presence of the Lord. I woke up in the beautiful Bed & Breakfast my closest friends and I were staying in and knew it was going to be the most special day.  It has always been a dream of mine to read Psalm 45 (the Wedding Psalm) on my wedding day, to remind myself that the Lord is my husband first and that His delight in me gives me my identity; He is enthralled by our beauty every day, not just on our wedding day or when we feel most beautiful. My mom and soon to be mother-in-law joined us at the B&B and we all ate a morning meal together on a huge family style dining table.  It was such a sweet way to embrace the day- with my most loving and supportive girlfriends and family members to "be led in with joy and gladness" (v.15).  We spent time praying, crying, and rejoicing together at God's redemption in my life and marveling at how the day unfolding would be such a remarkable picture of that.  We all got ready together, took pictures, danced to whatever music was playing- it was FUN and relaxed, just as I had always hoped.

I loved the idea of honoring and connecting with family members through aspects of the wedding.  My mom gave me beautiful, delicate gold earrings to wear as her and my dad's wedding gift to me. I attached a brooch that I inherited from my grandma after she passed away onto the front of my bouquet- she always wore her beloved pendants proudly.  And my Nana gave me a necklace to wear that has been worn by every bride on my Dad's side of the family for four generations. I felt honored to be included in that tradition!  Brendan and I decided not to do a first look.  We liked the idea of the patient anticipation and sheer emotion that would be raw on the aisle. I think we are a bit more traditional than we thought--except we did decide to offer whiskey toasts instead of champagne, so who knows.  

Looking back, I cherish our ceremony immensely.  Our minister is a good friend of ours and spoke truth of the Gospel in the most incredible way.  And was not afraid to throw in a few jokes here and there! Laughter made his message even more endearing.  He built his message on three aspects of our marriage which are really pictures of our life with Christ lived out: take my name, take my heart, and take my body.  All concepts which are encompassed in marriage, but more so gifts given to us by Jesus Himself…His name, His heart, and His body. I saw Jesus so much in Brendan's vows to me.  He echoed God's promises to me beautifully, "I vow to never leave you, never desert you, and never divorce you. In sickness and in health, for rich or for poor, I will never leave you no matter what."  I loved his twist on the traditional vows, that's so him, so us.    

My mom did the most amazing job orchestrating the decorations of our venue.  Every detail was thoughtfully displayed -- each handmade welcome bag for the overnight guests made with love and gifts of hospitality, every centerpiece encompassed aspects of Brendan and my relationship.  We wanted to invite people in, make them feel loved and appreciated.  Instead of table numbers, we named each table after a memory we have so that people would get to know us better and feel as though they were a part of our story, because they absolutely are!   

The rest of the night was the most joyous blur.  I was astonished at seeing many familiar faces that were faintly different after years of separation, all smiling, laughing, celebrating with us.  We ate delicious food, visited with incredible friends and family, and danced with abandon. At one point our crazy friends decided to throw Brendan in the air!…and then me!…and then MY MOM! When I remember our wedding day, I remember the joy and life we experienced in God's love expressed through each other and the people we love.  People traveled from all over the world simply to be a part of our most favorite day; and that's not to boast in ourselves…Jesus brought them to hear His truth and see His love fleshed out in two messy sinners who happen to be in love. Gosh, He is so sweet to us."

~*~

Thank you so much Alex+Brendan for sharing your day with us! It was absolutely beautiful! I don't even know you and I cried during your vows!! I can tell it was such a joyful day. :) And Alex, you are such an eloquent writer!

Thanks to the insanely talented Amanda from Five Copper Creative for submitting this film!

~Joie Mag Team

{Wedding Music}

I have been anxiously awaiting a time to post a blog about WEDDING MUSIC. Y'all, the time is now! As a semi-experienced wedding singer, I have sung my fair share of cheesy love songs amidst candle-lightings, walks down the aisle, and first-dancing. Some I've loved, some I've hated. All I've sung with a large smile and twinkle in my eye. Today, you get a look into some of the favorites I've already done and some I'm itching to do in the future. Plus, hear a couple I've even written!

1. I Choose You by Sara Bareilles 

For those that want a zingy processional or recessional, look no further than this peppy but totally adorable ode to true love and the forever choice of a life partner. 

"We are not perfect, we'll learn from our mistakes and as long as it takes I will prove my love to you. I am not scared of the elements. I am underprepared, but I am willing, and even better, I get to be the other half of you."

2. When You Say You Love Me by Josh Groban

First of all, this man is majestic. More importantly, this song is PERFECT for a first dance. Just imagine gazing into each other's eyes while Josh so sweetly lulls you into your own little world of two. Cheesy, but so accurate. 

"And this journey that we're on, how far we've come and I celebrate every moment. When you say you love me, that's all you have to say. I'll always feel this way."

3. Then by Brad Paisley

For you country loving folk, this song is tear-worthy. I love how it celebrates the journey of meeting, dating, and engagement - and then forever together! This is also wonderful for a first dance. 

"Now you're my whole life, now you're my whole world. I just can't believe the way I feel about you. Like a river meets the sea stronger than it's ever been, we've come so far since that day. And I thought I loved you then." 

4. What Can I Do (But Love You) by Joy Williams

This is a gem. Very sweet and simple, but lovely to fill the silence while exchanging rings or lighting a unity candle. 

"Now I've got someone to hold, to keep me warm when life gets cold, a little sun to melt away the gray. It happened in the nick of time, unexpected sweet surprise, with one hello I'll never be the same."

5. Lifetime by Steve Moakler

Also fantastic for a special moment mid-service, this incredible Steve Moakler song has some beautiful truth about the choice it is to promise another love forever. 

"My soul can breathe in your love. I know I come alive in your touch and I won't let go. It will take a lifetime to know all of the love I have to give you."

6. Shameless plug. You can check out Our Love or Always We by yours truly. 

They aren't perfect recordings but you get an idea of the song! :) 

Hope this inspires you to think outside the box when choosing music for your special day! Happy listening. 

<3 sarah 

Your Vows. Your Promises.

Hi friends! Today we have a special guest post for you! Pastor Max Marcoux, lead pastor at Elevation Chapel in Newton, MA, is sharing his perspective on Wedding Vows. Having preformed many, many weddings, he has a few ideas and a great reminder. Read on! 

~*~

Have any of you purchased a home? Well if not, get ready for mountains of paperwork! You will be asked to sign over 20 pages, vowing that you will pay for that house. Not too long ago (in the 1960’s) my grandfather bought a building on a vow and a handshake. He made a promise to pay so much a month until it was paid off. And he followed through. His word probably had more weight than any 20-page contract today. Back then, your word, your vow meant everything. 

To me the most beautiful part of a wedding is not the flowers, the pretty dresses, nice music or decorations. It’s the exchange of vows. I performed a wedding ceremony a few weeks ago and the bride wrote her own vows. They were so powerful and filled with love that everyone was emotional and the groom almost couldn’t hold it together. I think her vows were the most thoughtful and loving words anyone had ever spoken to him. 

Many couples choose traditional wedding vows, and those are beautiful too. “I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; until death do us part.” That still brings tears and deep emotion to couples as they recite them because they truly mean what they are saying.

More and more couples these days are choosing non-traditional vows. I have attended and officiated weddings where the couple chose song lyrics as vows. One couple chose an excerpt from “Oh, The Places You’ll Go” by Dr. Suess! There are so many resources for couples to find non-traditional vows that reflect their personality.

Engaged couples often ask me if it’s better to write their own vows or to use traditional ones. My advice is to them (and you) is this: Your wedding vows are not just an expression of how you feel about your fiancé. The words you choose should be a life-long promise from your heart to theirs; not only a statement of how much you love them now, but a commitment of how you will love them from this point on. 

Value whatever vows you will speak on your wedding day more than any of the other details of the wedding. The food will be eaten, the flowers will be tossed out, dresses packed away, but the vows will live in your hearts forever.

~*~

We hope this inspires you if you're stuck on what to say in your wedding vows! And remember, they don't have to be fancy or eloquent. 

Thanks for writing this awesome post, Max!