{I Know that “I Know,” but really I don’t..} Brittany Stites

...because if I did, I wouldn’t have needed to be reminded.

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     Have you ever had those moments where the stress is crushing and the anxiety clouds your brain like a thick fog? So many pressures, thoughts and emotions all at once! And all you want to do is crawl into a deep dark hole where nobody can find you, not even your own thoughts?  This is me more often than I would like to admit, being controlled by the fruitless things around me instead of allowing Jesus’ peace to fill me.
     What usually brings me from my state of selfishness are simple words from others. Words that I would have known and even said to somebody else in their own time of distress. But when the waves are rolling in, pounding my body to limpness, I so easily forget and am in need of a loving and graceful reminder.
     The first starts with a ring on my finger and my Mom. It was a bright and beautiful day, I was 19 (I know, so young!) and I was home for the summer from school. But first let’s take a look two years prior. This really amazing and handsome guy finally asked me to be his girl! And from that moment on I knew we would be together forever.  Jokingly, we had discussed that within two years’ time we would be engaged. Well, those two years had passed and we were thinking we were about ready.
     Now let’s get back to that beautiful summer’s day. My mom and I had struck up a small conversation about marriage and the words “You have to give your Dad and I at least a year’s notice.” came confidently from my mother’s mouth. I freaked. What was a girl to do? I was planning on a 3 month engagement! So with a bit of sass, I quickly responded, “Well then! Here it is! Plan on next summer!”

     With much grace my mom said, “Brittany, you must have a ring on that finger when you tell us.” (Are you kidding me! Engaged for a whole year!!! How is a young couple going to even survive 3 months!) I panicked, the fog rolled in and all I wanted to do was scream! After a ton of push back the tears began to flow; how would we beat temptation knowing we were to be married? Then I was reminded. “It’s going to be okay.” (Mom, you’re the best!) These words; so simple and small, made a world of a difference in a nervous and scared 19 year old girl. Within seconds Jesus filled me with peace. We could do it!
     The second, a fight with my husband and a choice to never look back. I believe my husband and I fight in one of the worst ways. When one of us gets frustrated with the other our initial response is to shut down, becoming tensely quiet with only sarcastic remarks to cut the silence. This will continue to happen, getting worse by the minute until either something is said or tears (usually mine) are shed.      With this in mind let’s take it back to Christmas Eve 2014 (yep, four and a half months ago). There had been a lot of pressure, stress and anxiety piling up for about three months as we were in transition of moving to Oakland, currently living at my in-laws’ house, with a job that paid less than half of our bills. And it didn’t help when I chose to throw around my frustration in regards to the fact that Christmas Eve wasn’t what I wanted or expected. We eventually found time to ourselves in a place where we were able to openly communicate, forgive, and verbally express our love for one another. Shortly after, my husband grabs hold of me, looks deep into my eyes and says, “I am so thankful for these moments. I hate them, but I am so thankful because we get to display the Gospel to each other by forgiving and giving grace.” (I know, wow!) I haven’t looked back; every time my husband and I sin against each other we get the opportunity to forgive, love and give grace.
     In the third recent memory, something was wrong with my daughter (and we don’t have health insurance!) My whole life I have had the luxury of being able to directly communicate with my doctor or make an appointment anytime I wanted. But 3 weeks ago something was wrong with my daughter and I no longer had that luxury. I didn’t even know if we had health insurance or how it worked if we did. I was at a loss and my daughter needed something I couldn’t give her. I was full of fear, trying to keep my cool and scared to death for her. Then my husband reminded me, “Babe, remember she is God’s daughter first and we have the privilege of borrowing her.” I needed these words. Every day we tell Summer “I love you, and Jesus loves you even more.” But in that moment of feeling helpless I needed to be reminded that God loves her and will take care of her far better than I ever could and I am blessed to borrow her for the time being no matter how long or short it may be.
   

     As women, we’ve come to learn a lot through the unlimited resources of this day in age, as well as through our own life experiences. Yet, sometimes we become so clouded by stress and pride that we forget the very things that have been embedded in our hearts. I urge you, when somebody you respect speaks to you with grace and love, grab hold of every word and allow Jesus to work it within you. You will be amazed at the peace and clarity he will give you even when you are in your deep and dark hole.

*We were able to see a doctor the following morning and get tests/ results back within one week; everything came up clear!

words by Brittany Stites

10 Resolutions for your Marriage

Fierce Marriage recently wrote a GREAT article on the 10 resolutions that will truly benefit your marriage and make it stronger this year. I am super inspired to put these to action in my own marriage. I highly recommend reading the original article here.

MORE:

Bible reading. You'll each grow in the Lord.

Prayer. Apart and together.

Encouragement. Praise each others strengths.

Quality Time. Just listening and being present.

Godly Community. Build each other up.

LESS:

TV. Good conversations will result.

Social Media. Less time will be wasted.

Work. Find a balance.

Complaining. Be grateful for what God has given you.

Unhealthy Arguing. Be constructive and kind.

{Guest Post} Self Love - Laken Nix

We are so lucky to have the talented Laken Nix writing for us today! Thank you Laken! Read on for her story of self love. 

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Truth be told, I’ve spent almost my entire life hating my body.  The desire to change it stretches so far back into my youth that I can’t even place exactly when it all started.  But I do remember being acutely aware of my size as early as 5th grade and going on my first “diet” soon after.  Since middle school, I’ve been obsessed with losing weight.  I’ve devoted myself to almost every weight loss program, I’ve given up entire food groups, I’ve read nearly every weight loss book, I’ve done all of the pills and the box cleanses.  I’ve turned weight loss into a mathematical equation, at one point only allowing myself to eat enough calories in a day to continue functioning.  I’ve obsessed over every tiny fluctuation on the scale, all the while feeling shame, disappointment and guilt that I just couldn’t get what I considered to be a small body.  

Nothing ever worked.  Or rather, nothing ever lasted.  I lost weight -- sometimes a little, sometimes a lot -- but it never stayed gone.  Without fail, the pounds came back and the compliments went away.  I’ve cried countless tears.  I’ve shaken my fist at God and endlessly questioned his motives.  Why give me these hips and this tummy?  Why not give me the discipline and self-control I need to get rid of these hips and this tummy?  Why make it so hard for me to be happy?  

While I never broke the cycle entirely, I started to feel some peace with my body when I started dating my boyfriend (now husband), Tyler.  It was the first time I felt truly and unconditionally loved no matter my size and I started to see myself through his eyes.  Embarrassed by my struggle with weight, I hid it from him, and discouraged with restricting myself, I stopped.  But throughout our dating relationship, I went from the smallest I had ever been to the largest.  In a stable and loving relationship, I was growing to hate myself and my body more than I ever had before.  

The desire to lose weight escalated when Tyler and I got engaged in August 2011.  The countdown to my wedding also became a countdown to when I needed to have the “perfect body.”  As I planned the details of our big day, I planned the details of how I was going to shed the pounds.  I dove full-force back into the calorie-restricting, binge-eating, self-destructive habits of my past because I couldn’t fathom walking down the aisle in this same ol’ body.  I was determined to feel comfortable in my skin, to look beautiful in my dress and to make my husband-to-be happy with his decision to marry me.  I was placing every ounce of my self-worth into what my body looked like on the outside and how many numbers showed up on the scale.  But no matter what I tried throughout our 14-month engagement, my weight more or less stayed the same and I got married in a body I felt ashamed of.

For a while, I couldn’t even stand to look at our wedding photos because all I could see was an uncomfortable girl in an unflattering dress.  But in the nearly two years since our wedding, I’ve had a little time to step back and reflect on where exactly my plan veered off course.  And you know, I haven’t been thinking about what I could’ve eaten differently or all of the times I could’ve exercised longer.  Rather, I think about why my weight and body image have such a strong pull on my heart that they can hang a cloud over my wedding day -- the beautiful day when I committed my entire life to the most amazing, dreamboat of a man.  Why have I convinced myself for years that I could make real and lasting changes in response to negativity and hatred?  Why have I created such a hostile environment and allowed my inner mean girl to become the dominant voice inside my head?  Looking back now, it feels silly to think I was trying so hard to create happiness and contentment out of such a black hole of negativity.      

Body image is something I think I will always struggle with to a degree and I definitely don’t know the end-all, be-all solution.  But I do know the starting place.  It’s silencing my inner mean girl and cultivating real self-love.  It’s believing that my body deserves love instead of hate, empowerment instead of criticism.  It’s creating an environment where I can thrive.  It’s showing my body love in real, tangible ways instead of just thinking it or saying it.  It’s appreciating my body instead of degrading it and it’s giving myself grace every minute of every day.  Most importantly, it’s about valuing this one body that God has entrusted me with and knowing that I’m meant to live life in this skin.    

Maybe this all sounds kind of woo-woo.  Maybe it’s a little too lovey-dovey and not practical enough.  I know I would have felt that way if I would have read these words a few years ago, when I was so desperately seeking a quick fix.  But once I started taking all of that heavy pressure off of myself and started focusing on loving my body as it was, I started losing weight.  I consistently lost weight without changing anything else I was doing (until I got pregnant and switched into “healthy weight gain” mode -- which is an entirely different story.)  Now I try every single day to practice the habit of self love and appreciation.  Some days are harder than others but learning to listen to what my body really wants is leaps and bounds better than counting calories, so I think I’ll stick with it.

Photos: Heather Hester

~*~

Laken is a writer and mentor living in the deep south of Tuscaloosa, Alabama.  She is passionate about making wellness a real and attainable thing in the lives of women -- in a non-preachy, totally-manageable, real-life kind of way.  Laken shares about real food and creating a good life at home over on her blog, Peach and Humble.  She is happily married to husband, Tyler, and they are expecting the arrival of their first little (a girl!) in October.

Modest Bridesmaid Dresses {Guest Post by Joelle from My Sunday Dress)

“I can’t believe she is making us wear this,” is the typical response from a bridesmaid for her best friend’s wedding.  The dreaded bridesmaid dress is typically more expensive, less fabulous, and extra uncomfortable than any dress you would willingly get. Fortunately for this generation, the norms are shifting. We are seeing a huge move towards bridesmaids selecting their own dresses within a specified color scheme. There also seems to be a push to move away from the typical bridesmaid dress that you see lining the walls at David’s bridal, and a move towards trendier alternatives.

My name is Joelle Janigian and I am the founder of MySundayDress.com, a blog about faith and fashion.  I’m super excited to be guest posting for Joie Magazine, as we have a very similar mission! I strongly believe that true fashion doesn’t require putting aside your personal convictions, and that it’s possible to be stylish and chic while staying modest and God honoring.

I want to share with you some recent dress trends that I believe will make your friends look fabulous and joyful, as they walk down the aisle right before your big reveal!

• Midi Dress- If you’re looking for something sleek and chic then midi dresses should be your go-to. They give you a classic and modest feel without compromising style and trend. Since midi dresses are longer, you can get away with a nicer fit without sacrificing modesty.
  
  
  
  

• Fit and Flare- The fit and flare dress is super cute for a feminine wedding. If your bridesmaids are not comfortable with dresses that hug their hips too tightly, then these dresses may be the key. This style is very versatile and can compliment virtually any body type.

• Maxi- If you want a one way ticket to modest and trendy then the maxi dress is your best bet! Maxi dresses are a great way to change it up from the typical bridesmaid dress, but still giving you a classic feel. 
  

• One shoulder- The one shoulder dress is a timeless style that is here to stay! It’s a great way to look stylish without sacrificing comfort, while you avoid all of the woes of a strapless dress. The diagonal lines add to the chic look, and give it a unique twist.
  

• Long Sleeve Sequin – Why not? If you want something fun and unique to surprise the guests, then here is the first step. You can either do Subtle sequins or create a bolder look with all over sequin material.