Today's blog post comes from a lovely blogger named Victoria. This is her debut post on Joie Mag and we are lucky to have her be a contributing blogger in the future! Thank you Victoria for writing from your heart and speaking the truth about our identity in Christ.
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Getting married at 22 years old must have sounded a little scary some people in my life. Not necessarily to my closest family and friends-- they were gracious and supportive. Instead it seemed like classmates, the lady at the nail salon, online articles, the grocery store clerk, and select others wanted to advise me otherwise. They were worried about all sorts of things—that I wouldn’t ever get to travel, or do an internship, that I wouldn’t get to enjoy living alone, that 22 is just too young and that I was probably just getting married for the whole wedding ordeal and a happy ever after type of thing.
It probably wasn’t until a few months into my marriage that I realized they were right. Or, actually that they could be right. Not about the traveling, the internship, or the living alone—but that they could be right that my heart is capable of simply wanting to get married just for the sake of the backyard wedding, a name change, and a happily-ever-after-be-forever-satisfied-type of thing. Throughout our engagement I became more aware of this temptation, I was caught up in the whirlwind of planning our wedding and supporting two friends with theirs and in the process I was falling more in love with marriage. Which is a beautiful process and I’m grateful for the ways God spoke to my heart through our engagement about what marriage is and how He designed it to be. Grateful that He reminded me that my heart is indeed capable of wanting the wedding and the happy marriage more than Him. That somehow everything between the proposal and the aisle could make me more satisfied than His grace. That all the life to come after the vows we would make could somehow redeem me more than the Cross.
Like, I said God graciously revealed this to me throughout our engagement which helped me choose Him first. Of course I was a sinner when I planned our wedding, a sinner when I said “I do,” and still a sinner as I continue to live out life with my husband—and choosing God first will only be something I succeed in with the work of Christ in my life. Being aware of this danger that my own heart could hold, I intentionally entered into marriage with an understanding that it’s not created to fulfill me, it will eventually disappoint me, and that my husband’s and my brokenness are made one in the same only through Christ’s work on the Cross.
This allowed the start of our marriage to be real, flawed, and truly joyful as we sought to understand that our sinfulness only pointed to God’s perfectness, and that our end only pointed to a God that is never ending.
Fast forward a glimpse into our marriage—the wedding pictures are now posted on Facebook and the wedding band on my ring finger feels like it’s always been there. Husband and I start dreaming up future baby names. We plan out our first girl and brainstorm for the first boy, and I had then created a note in my phone with a running list of possible names and at least four typed out names that we will absolutely use no matter what our in laws or coworkers say. Then I realize, I knew where my heart was going. Yearning for something beyond the now. Desiring something that God has not yet willed to me only because my heart wants to believe that it might fulfill and complete me.
Through these moments I realized, it’s not that wedding dresses and baby names are things we cannot choose. Rather, we must choose the primary blessing before the secondary. Choose our Creator before the wedding dress, and our Father before the baby names. Throughout our engagement I was aware of the temptation to find my identity in getting married and becoming a wife, and once dreaming up baby names for the future littles I was placing my identity in my hopeful days of motherhood. My heart was seeking these titles to fulfill me, to give me value and worth. What a gift it is that these titles are not my identity, that instead it’s Christ’s work that has made me pure, whole, and redeemed. That I am a daughter of the most High and a vessel for His grace and truth to those He brings into my life. Whether I am a wife or a mother, it is the source of our Primary blessing that is my sure foundation which lets me live out my identity in Him and experience the secondary blessings He ordains for my days.
Whether we are in the midst of the season or seasons away from the reality—we should find our identity in the Primary blessing, the redemption we received from Christ on the Cross and the live that we may live as God has gone behind, before, and with us. It is through this that we may truly appreciate the fullness, nature, and timing of the secondary blessings; that we may come to know His design for the gifts He has willed to us, and the timing He has ordained into our days. Praise Him with me-- the God who has given us such sweet blessings to worship Him for and such sweet dreams to wait on Him for.
