{Allow Time for Spontaneity}

My husband and I just celebrated our third year of marriage (yay!). We've learned a lot this year as a couple, but I want to share one of my favorite and most practical lessons. This is something we have learned only in the last couple months: to not plan every single minute of our days. We learned to allow time for spontaneous adventures (or relaxing afternoons, because you never know what you'll need!) and it's really been a game changer for our relationship and happiness. 

Take Sundays for instance: a day when, usually, we go to church and already have plans to hang out with friends or family afterward. Then it's a trip to the grocery store and an evening of chores (or maybe I catch up on a little work). It's very planned, and although helpful and productive, it's the same. Every Sunday. 

One Sunday after church, we decided to do nothing and see where the day took us. We went to get coffee and decided right then and there to go on a two mile walk around a nearby lake - just because we could! We had time! We didn’t have anything else planned! (Fun fact: this was the very day we learned this lesson!) Guess what, it was my favorite day of that month. I remember it vividly. I remember what we talked about and what the weather felt like. It was like we reset our weekend and really took in all the goodness. Because we had time to.


So friends, plan time to be spontaneous. It’s good for your heart. 

- Stephanie

Our Oakland Adventure | Brittany Stites

Today we have a guest post by Brittany Stites, who is sharing about her and her husband's journey of planting a new church in California. God has taught them a few lessons along the way, so read on! Thanks Brittany!

My husband, a pastor, and I came from an amazing church in small town Martinez, California. (You know it's a small town when they shut down Main Street for the annual Homecoming Parade!) In October 2014 we were graciously sent out to plant a church. Now we live in Oakland, an awesome urban area, full of culture, color, creativity. I couldn’t be more convinced that we were created to live in this sort of setting! It has been a short 3 months since we moved here and I couldn’t feel more at home. I am seriously IN LOVE!!!!! And every day my love grows deeper and wider for this city. I am literally bursting with adrenaline as I sit and type, wishing you could see my excitement! I think I could run about 5 miles right now!!! Okay, so I think you know I am overflowing with joy to share some of our adventure! 

Making the decision to “Church Plant” was a no brainer for us. It has been in the works for almost 7 years - starting with a passion planted in my husband’s heart during college. As we dug deep through the pages of the Gospels and Acts, our hearts grew with a love and excitement. Now being able to actually live out what we day-dreamed about is absolutely and positively the most joyous and wonderful thing we could be doing in this world.

Now with all the rainbows, glitter and unicorns that planting brings, this has been by far the hardest and most challenging season in our life (and it’s just the beginning). But thank you Jesus for working in and through us to bring you glory! With every tear, frustration, and moments of being stretched and having no answers, Jesus has carried us through it all. We couldn’t be more thankful for the hard stuff, without which we wouldn’t be growing or looking to Him. Even though the learning process is hard and seems as if we will never understand, there is always (usually) that moment when the light bulb begins to glow – and it is beautiful.

When we began the official process of our adventure, we sat down with our mentors. As I talked, the words “I hate the church” spouted from my mouth. Later our mentors graciously responded with, “Brittany, we want you to love Jesus’ Church, the Church is beautiful and Jesus is patiently waiting for the day when He gets to be reunited with His Bride.” As they said this I realized I used the wrong language and furthermore I didn’t hate people. What I did have was a strong dislike for Sunday Services, the building, and all the stress and anxiety that those brought me. I have learned the power and importance of language. Yes, these are simply words, but the more you hear and use words the more a belief is formed from them. Example: if a person is told they are ugly and continues to say it to themselves, they will soon believe they are hideous and not even worth to be looked at.

The word “Church” means something a lot different than what a majority of people think of when they hear the word. It is not a place or a building, an event or a program. It is you and me and everybody who believes in Jesus and is filled with His Spirit. WE ARE THE CHURCH! PEOPLE! I am the Church when my daughter wakes up an hour early and I don’t get time to myself, but I get to show her grace and love and begin to build her character and teach her about Jesus. I am the Church when I have to apologize to my husband for disrespecting him. And he is The Church when he gives me grace and forgiveness! This is a very beautiful thing! But when we associate church with a few hours a week or a location, even subconsciously, we forget that the Church is a body – not a building.

We have chosen to use the word gathering, rather than church, to describe what we do each week. We see the Church as a family that comes together to celebrate, learn and worship – not simply as an event / building we attend. This simple word change in my everyday language has begun to change my perspective of the Church is – and my love for people has grown tremendously. My husband and I have taken a different approach to “Church Planting” then what we originally thought we would take. We didn’t move to Oakland with a large group of people, a building, worship pastor, children’s department, hospitality team, and service flow. We moved to Oakland with a missionary perspective. A missionary doesn’t immediately build a building then begin preaching and teaching to its congregation. They first get to know the culture and its belief. They learn what they celebrate, how they have fun and what they struggle with. A missionary begins to build strong friendships with neighbors and finds connections with others in their city. They take part of things that are already up and happening instead of starting their own thing, all the while being the hands and feet

All in all we are not called to plant a church – we are called to plant the Gospel by being present as Spirit-filled people. Don’t allow the weekly services and buildings to distract you from your day-to-day call to BE the Church – you have everything you need in Jesus!

Words by Brittany Stites

The Order of Blessings | Victoria Myers

   Today's blog post comes from a lovely blogger named Victoria. This is her debut post on Joie Mag and we are lucky to have her be a contributing blogger in the future! Thank you Victoria for writing from your heart and speaking the truth about our identity in Christ.

~*~

   Getting married at 22 years old must have sounded a little scary some people in my life. Not necessarily to my closest family and friends-- they were gracious and supportive. Instead it seemed like classmates, the lady at the nail salon, online articles, the grocery store clerk, and select others wanted to advise me otherwise. They were worried about all sorts of things—that I wouldn’t ever get to travel, or do an internship, that I wouldn’t get to enjoy living alone, that 22 is just too young and that I was probably just getting married for the whole wedding ordeal and a happy ever after type of thing.

     It probably wasn’t until a few months into my marriage that I realized they were right. Or, actually that they could be right. Not about the traveling, the internship, or the living alone—but that they could be right that my heart is capable of simply wanting to get married just for the sake of the backyard wedding, a name change, and a happily-ever-after-be-forever-satisfied-type of thing. Throughout our engagement I became more aware of this temptation, I was caught up in the whirlwind of planning our wedding and supporting two friends with theirs and in the process I was falling more in love with marriage. Which is a beautiful process and I’m grateful for the ways God spoke to my heart through our engagement about what marriage is and how He designed it to be. Grateful that He reminded me that my heart is indeed capable of wanting the wedding and the happy marriage more than Him. That somehow everything between the proposal and the aisle could make me more satisfied than His grace. That all the life to come after the vows we would make could somehow redeem me more than the Cross.

     Like, I said God graciously revealed this to me throughout our engagement which helped me choose Him first. Of course I was a sinner when I planned our wedding, a sinner when I said “I do,” and still a sinner as I continue to live out life with my husband—and choosing God first will only be something I succeed in with the work of Christ in my life. Being aware of this danger that my own heart could hold, I intentionally entered into marriage with an understanding that it’s not created to fulfill me, it will eventually disappoint me, and that my husband’s and my brokenness are made one in the same only through Christ’s work on the Cross.

     This allowed the start of our marriage to be real, flawed, and truly joyful as we sought to understand that our sinfulness only pointed to God’s perfectness, and that our end only pointed to a God that is never ending.

     Fast forward a glimpse into our marriage—the wedding pictures are now posted on Facebook and the wedding band on my ring finger feels like it’s always been there. Husband and I start dreaming up future baby names. We plan out our first girl and brainstorm for the first boy, and I had then created a note in my phone with a running list of possible names and at least four typed out names that we will absolutely use no matter what our in laws or coworkers say. Then I realize, I knew where my heart was going. Yearning for something beyond the now. Desiring something that God has not yet willed to me only because my heart wants to believe that it might fulfill and complete me.

     Through these moments I realized, it’s not that wedding dresses and baby names are things we cannot choose. Rather, we must choose the primary blessing before the secondary. Choose our Creator before the wedding dress, and our Father before the baby names. Throughout our engagement I was aware of the temptation to find my identity in getting married and becoming a wife, and once dreaming up baby names for the future littles I was placing my identity in my hopeful days of motherhood. My heart was seeking these titles to fulfill me, to give me value and worth. What a gift it is that these titles are not my identity, that instead it’s Christ’s work that has made me pure, whole, and redeemed. That I am a daughter of the most High and a vessel for His grace and truth to those He brings into my life. Whether I am a wife or a mother, it is the source of our Primary blessing that is my sure foundation which lets me live out my identity in Him and experience the secondary blessings He ordains for my days.

     Whether we are in the midst of the season or seasons away from the reality—we should find our identity in the Primary blessing, the redemption we received from Christ on the Cross and the live that we may live as God has gone behind, before, and with us. It is through this that we may truly appreciate the fullness, nature, and timing of the secondary blessings; that we may come to know His design for the gifts He has willed to us, and the timing He has ordained into our days. Praise Him with me-- the God who has given us such sweet blessings to worship Him for and such sweet dreams to wait on Him for.

Written by Victoria Myers | Images by Anna Christine Photography

10 Resolutions for your Marriage

Fierce Marriage recently wrote a GREAT article on the 10 resolutions that will truly benefit your marriage and make it stronger this year. I am super inspired to put these to action in my own marriage. I highly recommend reading the original article here.

MORE:

Bible reading. You'll each grow in the Lord.

Prayer. Apart and together.

Encouragement. Praise each others strengths.

Quality Time. Just listening and being present.

Godly Community. Build each other up.

LESS:

TV. Good conversations will result.

Social Media. Less time will be wasted.

Work. Find a balance.

Complaining. Be grateful for what God has given you.

Unhealthy Arguing. Be constructive and kind.

Raw & Real

Today we have a wonderful guest post by Brittany Stites, who also wrote for our first issue. We're so thankful  for her heart and words! We pray that this piece will encourage you in your every day life. 

~*~

Have you ever had one of those tough conversations, the kind you dread? The one you avoid at all costs for fear of spilling tears, accusing fingers, or personal faults being put on the table? The kind of discussion that is put off for days, even weeks, hoping it will change on its own? My husband and I recently had one of these conversations and I couldn’t wait to get past it. I just wanted to get to the moment were the burden was lifted and XO’s were given! But this was the first time I felt we had been defeated, like there was no answer to our issue. Like things would never change! All I wanted was a fresh breath of air; I needed to be free from the darkness I hid so well inside of me.

Just over a year ago we brought into this world a precious, beautiful baby girl. She had tiny hands, little toes, and a smile so large you couldn’t help but laugh and snap twenty-two photos on the spot (that just brings a warm ray of sunlight, doesn’t it?). But for me, she didn’t. I struggled finding any connection to this person who was my daughter. I tried so hard to make myself feel love for her, but nothing seemed to satisfy. I wanted to be a wife to my husband but failed so many times. I couldn’t connect. I didn’t even want to be with people. Everything I came across, even sharing conversations over a cup of coffee with a friend was a climb; like being in a dark hole and no matter how hard I tried or felt there was no substance to grab onto. I tried to except my reality, #momlife. I thought going to church and reading my Bible would help! That’s what you’re supposed to do, right? Wrong! The following evening, while the house was quiet and dreams were being formed, I learned how wrong I really was.

Taking time with Jesus and allowing him to evaluate me has always seemed to be a good place to start. Not to mention he is very good at it and always gives the most grace and love, the kind I am unable to give. I was wrong and I had to repent.

“Lord, I have failed at being the daughter you have created me to be. Please forgive me. I have failed at being the wife my husband needs, and I am pretty sure I have failed at being the Mommy I am meant to be. How dare I think these things will fall into place without my full attention and effort?” –Journal Entry

Through Jesus’ embrace he refreshed my soul.

“God, thinking about our conversation (between my husband and I), looking back on life and finding bits of it, you have reminded me, showed me and encouraged me to be the person you have created me to be! An Encourager, Burden Bearer and Prayer Warrior.” –Journal Entry

I was at a point in my life where I continued to do and do and do, so that I could be. Instead of simply being whom God created me to be. I was so refreshed and the burden was gone! God had created me to be this amazing person who brings life to others through words and actions, who walks with those who can’t handle their junk on their own, and someone who prays (I mean really prays!). Not someone who just says “yes!” then forgets. I wasn’t doing any of these things, not for my husband, my family or anybody around me. The moment I began to walk out in who God created me to be was the moment I became free! I found my substance; Jesus. True genuine joy, no matter how exhausted I became or how many times I failed.

I challenge you! Living a life on auto pilot and just trying to make it through to the next best thing is a very dark place to be, I was there! But knowing, being, and acting out in the woman God created me to be has inspired a dramatic shift in how I now perceive life. I am not living to be like Jesus, but allowing him to be my hands and feet. Who has God created you to be? If you are unsure take some time to ask and reflect. What fuels you to give even more of yourself? What gives you genuine joy? Allow Jesus to evaluate you and your life, allow him to give you his grace and love that he so desperately wants to give! You are so loved, and you are so worth it!

If you need prayer or just want to talk don’t hesitate to contact me britstites[at]gmail.com

I may be loveless, but I'm definitely not dead.

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post on my personal blog (you can check it out here) on a subject very close to my heart: singleness. I'd like to reprise that this morning for y'all. Check out below what I believe so many single girls want to tell those of you who are happily dating, engaged or married. A little anecdote to start us off: 

Me, Sarah, and Imani at the wedding

My friend Imani recently traveled back to the States from the DR (where she is tirelessly and faithfully serving the Lord with Makarios International) for a wedding of a close friend of ours. We were both bridesmaids and had a fabulous weekend wine touring, catching up with old friends, making new friends, and talking about boys. We’re girls, after all. I had my eye on a cute one who got snatched from my grasp (I’m definitely giving myself too much credit) by an altogether too attractive bombshell at the reception. I certainly wasn’t devastated since I’d literally known the man for a day, but it was annoying regardless. In her sweet way of delivering pointed questions, Imani asked me a few days later how I was feeling about the whole situation. My partly authentic and partly sarcastic answer was the following: “Oh it’s okay. I literally knew him for 3 hours. My life will not end. I’ll be loveless but not dead. Haha.” Then we both proceeded to laugh about how that last phrase describes our lives up to this point perfectly. 

Cue the blog title! I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to write about my lackluster love life. Really though, I think my comment has something genuine to say about those of us who continue to live the single life faithfully as unto the Lord. And I’m not going to rant on and on about this, but I think it’s worth saying. 

JUST BECAUSE I’M 24 YEARS OLD AND SINGLE DOES NOT MEAN THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH ME. It means that I have friends who are too attractive. I need new ones. Preferably plain ones who aren’t blonde or tall or human. (I’m kidding, don’t worry). Friends, I am loveless, but I am definitely not dead. My interpretation: just because I am single and ready to mingle yet mingling without success does not mean that I am failing at life. In fact, there are a lot of things happening in my life that I am excited about – they just don’t happen to be my engagement, my wedding or my future children. Those things are wonderful and I am more than happy to celebrate those things with my friends and family, but I am not deficient because they aren’t happening to me yet. 

I don’t want this to sound rude or overzealous. And I’m partly still trying to convince myself that everything I just wrote in that last paragraph is true. I wanted to write about this because it is a struggle in my life right now and one that I have to continually surrender to the Lord. I am learning to trust that my singleness has a purpose. I am beginning to trust that my life won’t be horrendous if God calls me to be single forever (even as I’m fervently praying that it isn’t the case). I am attempting to be content where I’ve been called and as I’ve been called. I want support. I want people to affirm my singleness rather than constantly inquire as to whether I’ve remedied my unfortunate circumstance of aloneness. I want to see and hear and taste more of the Lord in this season of my life so as to be fully prepared when He calls me out of it. 

I hope that all you single ladies out there live it up like Beyonce are encouraged that your life is not defined by your relationship status. God has plans for you which may or may not include marriage. Either way, His plans are good and He loves you. That is enough for me. And I hope it is enough for you. Be joyful today in His love! 

<3 sarah elyse