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Have you ever had those moments where the stress is crushing and the anxiety clouds your brain like a thick fog? So many pressures, thoughts and emotions all at once! And all you want to do is crawl into a deep dark hole where nobody can find you, not even your own thoughts? This is me more often than I would like to admit, being controlled by the fruitless things around me instead of allowing Jesus’ peace to fill me.
What usually brings me from my state of selfishness are simple words from others. Words that I would have known and even said to somebody else in their own time of distress. But when the waves are rolling in, pounding my body to limpness, I so easily forget and am in need of a loving and graceful reminder.
The first starts with a ring on my finger and my Mom. It was a bright and beautiful day, I was 19 (I know, so young!) and I was home for the summer from school. But first let’s take a look two years prior. This really amazing and handsome guy finally asked me to be his girl! And from that moment on I knew we would be together forever. Jokingly, we had discussed that within two years’ time we would be engaged. Well, those two years had passed and we were thinking we were about ready.
Now let’s get back to that beautiful summer’s day. My mom and I had struck up a small conversation about marriage and the words “You have to give your Dad and I at least a year’s notice.” came confidently from my mother’s mouth. I freaked. What was a girl to do? I was planning on a 3 month engagement! So with a bit of sass, I quickly responded, “Well then! Here it is! Plan on next summer!”
With much grace my mom said, “Brittany, you must have a ring on that finger when you tell us.” (Are you kidding me! Engaged for a whole year!!! How is a young couple going to even survive 3 months!) I panicked, the fog rolled in and all I wanted to do was scream! After a ton of push back the tears began to flow; how would we beat temptation knowing we were to be married? Then I was reminded. “It’s going to be okay.” (Mom, you’re the best!) These words; so simple and small, made a world of a difference in a nervous and scared 19 year old girl. Within seconds Jesus filled me with peace. We could do it!The second, a fight with my husband and a choice to never look back. I believe my husband and I fight in one of the worst ways. When one of us gets frustrated with the other our initial response is to shut down, becoming tensely quiet with only sarcastic remarks to cut the silence. This will continue to happen, getting worse by the minute until either something is said or tears (usually mine) are shed. With this in mind let’s take it back to Christmas Eve 2014 (yep, four and a half months ago). There had been a lot of pressure, stress and anxiety piling up for about three months as we were in transition of moving to Oakland, currently living at my in-laws’ house, with a job that paid less than half of our bills. And it didn’t help when I chose to throw around my frustration in regards to the fact that Christmas Eve wasn’t what I wanted or expected. We eventually found time to ourselves in a place where we were able to openly communicate, forgive, and verbally express our love for one another. Shortly after, my husband grabs hold of me, looks deep into my eyes and says, “I am so thankful for these moments. I hate them, but I am so thankful because we get to display the Gospel to each other by forgiving and giving grace.” (I know, wow!) I haven’t looked back; every time my husband and I sin against each other we get the opportunity to forgive, love and give grace.
In the third recent memory, something was wrong with my daughter (and we don’t have health insurance!) My whole life I have had the luxury of being able to directly communicate with my doctor or make an appointment anytime I wanted. But 3 weeks ago something was wrong with my daughter and I no longer had that luxury. I didn’t even know if we had health insurance or how it worked if we did. I was at a loss and my daughter needed something I couldn’t give her. I was full of fear, trying to keep my cool and scared to death for her. Then my husband reminded me, “Babe, remember she is God’s daughter first and we have the privilege of borrowing her.” I needed these words. Every day we tell Summer “I love you, and Jesus loves you even more.” But in that moment of feeling helpless I needed to be reminded that God loves her and will take care of her far better than I ever could and I am blessed to borrow her for the time being no matter how long or short it may be.
As women, we’ve come to learn a lot through the unlimited resources of this day in age, as well as through our own life experiences. Yet, sometimes we become so clouded by stress and pride that we forget the very things that have been embedded in our hearts. I urge you, when somebody you respect speaks to you with grace and love, grab hold of every word and allow Jesus to work it within you. You will be amazed at the peace and clarity he will give you even when you are in your deep and dark hole.
*We were able to see a doctor the following morning and get tests/ results back within one week; everything came up clear!
words by Brittany Stites
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