Today's blog post comes from my good friend Ariel. She's a newlywed and photographer and amazing woman of the Lord. Today she is sharing an important part of her story with us. Thank you for your wisdom, Ariel!
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There are all kinds of books you can buy, articles you can read, and advice you can hear about how to deal with changes in life (no, I’m not talking about the “change is just around the corner” video you saw in health class…). How to adapt to moving away from friends and family, how to get used to being married, how to get out and meet new people, how to church hop ;) . But what happens when all of that, adding in a tendency toward introversion, takes place at once?? Well, in my case a mental explosion.
I am a homebody. I went to college 45 minutes from my mom and stepdad's house in New York in a town that my dad and step mom live in and even commuted to my own church (which I love, like a lot) each Sunday – people wondered if I even went to college. The year after I graduated I lived at home, worked at a wonderful school where I already knew some staff, helped lead the youth and young adult groups at my church, hung out with my friends when I wanted to, saw my little sister when she came home from college, got to chat with my mom whenever a breakdown was coming, visited my dad at work,…everything was peachy.
I had always imagined when I met the man I would marry, naturally he would follow me to my hometown and attend my church and fall in with my group of friends. We would live near my family (I mean, who wouldn't love my family?), I would get to keep my life...all with the added bonus of a husband. I imagined my life to be very neat, orderly, and even easy.
Well, let me tell ya, my imagination didn't concoct the outcome where my boyfriend, Jon, and I break up in college, he moves to Ohio (who cares, right?), two years later we decide to date again, we do long distance, he proposes, we get married, I move to Ohio (oh, I guess now I should care) where I know no one, I look for a job and get welcomed into a church that hasn't known me since I was a kid, all while fighting my introvert nature to be perfectly content curled up at home for the next 5 years not speaking to anyone. That, my friends, was a lot for me to take in.
Jon and I would talk about plans for where we were going to live once we got married, and I would literally cry when it got brought up because I knew I would be the one to move based on our circumstances. I would get overwhelmed and then we'd have to halt the conversation and he would wait another few weeks to bring it up again. Then we would start the cycle all over again.
Maybe pathetic, but that's me - I like my routine and I like knowing what to expect and moving to a state that I couldn't even find on a map was definitely not routine and I absolutely didn't know what to expect. I was scared.
And I'm not ashamed to say that 7 months later, I'm just now getting the hang of things. Which brings me to what I want to share (now that you understand my inner workings). In all that mess, my relationship with God took a backseat. I felt like I was holding on by a thread and thought if I even uttered a prayer, I would bawl my eyes out thinking about everything changing in my life.
But I had one truth - God never changes. He is the vine and we are the branches (John 15:5). We can't go anywhere or do anything if we aren't connected to Him - and despite our schedules and busy thoughts - there has to be time for him or we start to whither. I was definitely feeling the withering. I started paying more attention and being more intentional about my days. I saw what steps I could take to make sure, in the craziness, I didn't forget or dismiss my relationship with my Heavenly Father. Here’s what He showed me:
1. Try to hear what He's telling you through the noise.
He mixed up my world so I would learn to turn to Him and trust His plans above mine. I was so rooted in what I thought I wanted I wasn't open to anything else. I had to pay attention to see why I had to move and why everything in my life got flipped upside down.
2. Make yourself a schedule.
When I first moved, I didn't have a job and would let days pass where I didn't open my bible or try to be productive at all because "I didn't have to." Even if it's while eating breakfast, on your lunch break, or right before bed - having a scheduled devotion time (and great devotional - I recommend "The Daily God Book" by Erin Keeley Marshall) creates an expectation. It becomes easier to get back in the habit of spending time with God when you know there's an uninterrupted time designated for it.
3. Make an effort...at your pace, but make an effort.
To some, it may not seem as though I moved fast enough into making friends or taking ownership of my new surroundings (still calling my mom's house "home" and the church I grew up in "my church"...actually, those things still may happen ; ) ) but at my own pace, I opened up to people I came to trust, found a job, and got acclimated to this new place. Making the effort is key, it's easy to sit back feeling sorry for yourself, but if you try - you'll be met halfway. God has favor waiting for you.
4. Have a rockin' husband.
I realize this isn't something everyone can check off their list, but my purpose in saying it is have someone who knows you well and who you can be completely open with. A best friend. Your momma. There were times Jon had to push me to attend our young adult group because I wouldn't want to go, or times I tried to do too much when he would tell me to calm down. Having someone to talk to about all the havoc in your life helps settle your thoughts.
5. Trust.
If you love God and you've devoted your life to Him, know He will take care of you and He has a plan. No matter your circumstance, He is there and He wants to hear your voice so don't stay quiet. See what He's showing you.
I know it's been a long, hard journey for me to go through life being turned around every which way. But now with a clear head I can see I wouldn't have had to get out of my comfort zone had I stayed where I was and I have a feeling God needed me to. There's a lot I've learned about marriage and about my personality and about my maturity that's invaluable to me at this point. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I wish I could go back a year and tell myself that moving isn't so bad, it'll take time, but there are doors to be opened there that can't be found anywhere else (I should hope myself would believe me, haha).
I learned a lot, as cliché as it sounds. Mostly, I have learned to find the branch and cling - because that's where our nutrients come from, it's where the spring in our step comes from, and it's where life is given. That's where I want to be.
“Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5
